Thriving Through Challenges

Path in Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden - Photo taken by Dawna Haynes

If you’re over 5 years old, you’ve likely experienced a challenge or two. With practice, we learn to navigate the challenges - some ways more healthy than others. Since we’re focused moving closer to balance, I thought it would be good to talk through a few tips for thriving through challenging times.

1. Name it! When the challenge first arrives, it may be difficult to understand it fully. But naming it, or acknowledging it as a challenge can be helpful. To avoid acknowledging the challenge can exacerbate the frustration we experience around the situation and leave us without the tools we need in order to get through it. 

   1. Let’s say I’m driving to work, running late, and all of a sudden the traffic backs up. I’m going to be frustrated. Maybe if I’d left earlier, I wouldn't have met up with this traffic. Maybe there would have been an issue of a different kind. Who knows. What I do know is this kind of thinking isn’t helpful to me in the moment. Acknowledging the traffic snarl has some ripple effects on my day, especially if I’m due to deliver a presentation first thing, is a quality step toward navigating the challenge. Identifying what I’m facing, even if I don’t fully understand its depths, gives me room to solution-build.

   2. Maybe it’s a person in your sphere that seems to consistently be in the midst of the challenges you experience. Important caveat: This person doesn’t cause you actual harm of any kind. You have the right to be safe. For our example, this is a person who brings annoyance, not danger.  It’s easy to name the person as your challenge because of course, if they weren’t there you would have no issue, right? Wrong! The person is the vehicle for the lesson. Maybe whenever they show up, you feel bad in the moment and for a good part of the day after they’ve moved on. In this case, the name for this challenge is how you feel when that person comes onto the scene. Now that you know it’s the bad feelings that come up, you are more equipped to address the real issue. Which takes us

2. It’s not going away. The challenge isn’t changing, you are. Put another way, if my only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When you have a comprehensive toolkit, you can be more appropriate in your approach. We don’t make our challenges disappear. We adjust our approach to mitigate the impact. 

   1. Let’s go back to that person from the previous tip. Since we’ve named the challenge as working through the bad feelings that bubble up when this person is around, we can now get to the root. When they come around, do they ask questions that we didn’t think to, poking holes in what we thought was perfection? Do they take all the oxygen out of the room, talking incessantly and not making space for anyone else? Do they get on your nerves because they share your ideas as their with your leaders without giving you credit? 

   2. Each situation requires a different tool. It’s time to get properly equipped. This could mean reading books or listening to podcasts from credible content creators. It could mean working with a coach who can help you strategize and practice using different tools. It could mean connecting with a trained and licensed mental health clinician who can support you in working through what’s at the root of your feelings in these types of situations.  

3. Figure out what matters the most to you and move accordingly. When I’m facing a challenge, I find it helpful to bottom-line it. When I know what’s essential to me, it’s easier for me to move in that direction. If you’re buying a car, there are probably some features that are important to you. Number 1, the car should run consistently. You shouldn’t have to beg or compel it into compliance. Maybe you only want to drive a manual transmission. Hopefully the first feature that the car runs left us with a plethora of options. That manual transmission, though, narrowed our focus. This is a good thing. We’re able to direct our attention to what we want instead of what we don’t. Dealing with things can be easier than navigating relationships with people. But the principle applies. If healthy relationships is what I’ve identified as essential, I have to understand what that means to me. My focus is now narrowed to what is wanted. Knowing what’s essential to me sets me up for better success in letting go of anything that doesn’t line up.

I would be honored to walk alongside you through your journey to better balance. Email me at disrupttransformiwc@gmail.com to get started!